you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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