i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize