im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
