So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
