He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
