So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
