hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
