I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
