It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
