Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
