She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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