We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
We are two peas in an std pod
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
