I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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