That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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