I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Are we still banned from the library?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
