its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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