Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
