handjob tips. give me some.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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