They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I think people are normalizing furries
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
