Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
