You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
