Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
