just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
