I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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