Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
