i think i scared a bird with my dick
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
