Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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