Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I love you.
Bad choice
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
