Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize