I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize