bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
