Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
wow bdsm is so cute
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
