She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
