If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
