People in love make me want to vomit
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I need mimosas to revive my soul
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize