He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
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