His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
