never play flip cup with pint glasses
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
