If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
