arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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