just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
