they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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