I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
