If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You may now shotgun with the bride
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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