i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
