You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
