He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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