Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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