she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
