Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
