so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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