we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
