get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize