So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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