Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
