Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
