just come out here and I will go home with you...
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
