I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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