Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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