I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
