beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
