I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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