I got chris browned last night
i just had sex bonerless
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
