I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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