I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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