So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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