Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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