So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize