Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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