i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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