Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
